Let me give you some advice

I think that most of us who become therapists do so to try to make a difference in people's lives.

We're caring and compassionate but we also need to be - careful.

Unfortunately there is a possibility that we can be sued, our files can be subpoenaed and we can find ourselves in a whole pile of..... stuff.

Now I'm not sayings these things to scare you but to help you be aware of some of the pitfalls of being a therapist.

So today I'm going to talk about the language you use in the therapy office.

Let me give you some advice - don't give advice!!

I don't advise, I don't suggest and I don't direct my clients to do anything that I can't give an iron clad guarantee on how it's actually going to turn out.

I've noticed through the years that some clients aren't always comfortable in taking responsibility for their actions. It's often convenient to say "the therapist told me to......".

In the past I've had people wanting to leave relationships come back to the office repeating a conversation they've had with their partners which included the statement "my therapist told me to leave you".

WHAT???

When I question them on this they'll say, "well you didn't exactly tell me to leave but we talked about it".

So in reaction to these kinds of misinterpretations I began to formulate an agreement with clients that focused on the issue of advising or suggesting. What I developed was a format for discussion where we, the client and I, verbally agreed that I would not be making suggestions or advising them to do certain things. I mean honestly, who am I to advise a client to do anything (Ta Da - Super counsellor! I'm kind of envisioning me in tights and a cape with a big ole "C" on my chest - uh, no).

Every choice a client makes has consequences - some positive, some negative and ultimately, if we're trying to assist our clients in their journey to become a whole, healthy, responsible individual the decision to make changes in their lives is up to them. Because, if you think about it, the consequences of these decisions are not going to have an impact on me, but it could have an enormous impact on the client.

During the first session I now engage in a discussion that goes something like this - "I have a great deal of respect for you and your ability to make good decisions, so I am not going to give you advice or make suggestions. What I will do is talk about options. Some you might like, some not so much, what's important is that you have a choice in selecting the options that are appropriate for your situation".

This is completely new for many of my clients, especially those that have seen therapists previously. It's a learning process and I constantly remind them that we don't use the 'a' word or 's' word in my office - advise or suggest. I also don't allow the 't' word - told. Takes a little time for client's to get use to this but eventually they seem to like it.

So why not give this a try, and as always, feel free to comment on this strategy. Happy Counselling.