Let me give you some advice

I think that most of us who become therapists do so to try to make a difference in people's lives.

We're caring and compassionate but we also need to be - careful.

Unfortunately there is a possibility that we can be sued, our files can be subpoenaed and we can find ourselves in a whole pile of..... stuff.

Now I'm not sayings these things to scare you but to help you be aware of some of the pitfalls of being a therapist.

So today I'm going to talk about the language you use in the therapy office.

Let me give you some advice - don't give advice!!

I don't advise, I don't suggest and I don't direct my clients to do anything that I can't give an iron clad guarantee on how it's actually going to turn out.

I've noticed through the years that some clients aren't always comfortable in taking responsibility for their actions. It's often convenient to say "the therapist told me to......".

In the past I've had people wanting to leave relationships come back to the office repeating a conversation they've had with their partners which included the statement "my therapist told me to leave you".

WHAT???

When I question them on this they'll say, "well you didn't exactly tell me to leave but we talked about it".

So in reaction to these kinds of misinterpretations I began to formulate an agreement with clients that focused on the issue of advising or suggesting. What I developed was a format for discussion where we, the client and I, verbally agreed that I would not be making suggestions or advising them to do certain things. I mean honestly, who am I to advise a client to do anything (Ta Da - Super counsellor! I'm kind of envisioning me in tights and a cape with a big ole "C" on my chest - uh, no).

Every choice a client makes has consequences - some positive, some negative and ultimately, if we're trying to assist our clients in their journey to become a whole, healthy, responsible individual the decision to make changes in their lives is up to them. Because, if you think about it, the consequences of these decisions are not going to have an impact on me, but it could have an enormous impact on the client.

During the first session I now engage in a discussion that goes something like this - "I have a great deal of respect for you and your ability to make good decisions, so I am not going to give you advice or make suggestions. What I will do is talk about options. Some you might like, some not so much, what's important is that you have a choice in selecting the options that are appropriate for your situation".

This is completely new for many of my clients, especially those that have seen therapists previously. It's a learning process and I constantly remind them that we don't use the 'a' word or 's' word in my office - advise or suggest. I also don't allow the 't' word - told. Takes a little time for client's to get use to this but eventually they seem to like it.

So why not give this a try, and as always, feel free to comment on this strategy. Happy Counselling.

So you wanna be a therapist.......

I was at a conference in Waterloo a couple of weeks ago and bumped into two of my former classmates from Laurier. We commented on the fact that this time last year we were all in class together and now we're out in the field working (for me back working). I was reminded of a conversation that I had with one of these individuals last year about being ready to go out and counsel people.

This individual said that they personally didn't feel ready and questioned whether or not many of the other students felt the same way. My response was that the only way to become a skilled counsellor is to go out and do the work - which can be a little scary for new counsellors. In the next few blogs I'd like to focus on some strategies that might be helpful to new counsellors/therapists.


Today I'd like to talk about supervision. Depending on where you're working supervision might be amazing or it might really suck! In many counselling agencies, supervisors and managers are usually promoted from front line positions. However, many of these types of positions have an administrative focus which consists of managing budgets and staff, with little time or skill (or interest) in providing clinical supervision.

I'm about to say something completely obvious, but to become a good clinician you need to receive supervision from someone with good clinical skills. So if you can't find someone within your organization that fits the bill then looking outside for support may be another alternative. The downside to this is that you will probably have to pay for it, the upside is that someone outside the organization isn't influenced by organizational policies or politics.

I have worked with a mentor/supervisor for the past eight years. He is a seasoned social worker therapist with over thirty years in the field. His direction has been invaluable on a number of occasions.

What exactly do I do in supervision you ask? Nowadays it's more about double checking on a tough case. Generally I'll feel like I'm going in the right direction, but I'll run it by my supervisor to make sure I'm not missing anything. For a new counsellor supervision is great for talking about techniques, discussing a session which didn't go too well and debriefing when you're working on a really challenging case.

To find out more about locating a supervisor feel free to email me or contact the Ontario Association of Social Workers at www.oasw.org. Happy counselling!

So what kind of blog is this anyway?????

Well it's my first blog for one thing! But it's also an opportunity for me to talk about my 20 plus years of experience as a therapist, as well as providing information to the public about problems and concerns that my clients bring to the counselling office.


I've learned a lot in 20 years about how to 'do therapy'. Some stuff from books, colleagues and professional development opportunities but mostly from my many clients. So in starting off my blog let me say thank-you to all of the many clients that I've had the privilege and honour of working with through the years -I'd mention all your names and thank each one of you personally but there's that confidentiality thing :)


Although this is a blog and not a forum I'm hoping people that stop by will comment/give some suggestions of issues of interest for me to discuss. My area of specialty is couple and family counselling. I am a step mom and have an interest in, as well as personal experience with blended family issues. But I also have experience in working with depression and anxiety issues, sexual and physical abuse, sexual identity, disability and adjustment issues and career counselling.


Welcome to my blog - here's to new(?) technology. Who says you can't teach an old (but relatively young looking) dog new tricks!?